Master of the Cuisinart

So even though I have two degrees and all of the street smarts one can get in the rural midwest.. For the life of me I couldn't figure out how to assemble all of the additional blades on my 11-cup food processor. I needed to make perfectly even slices of potatoes. These inexperienced shaky hands just weren't going to cut the mustard (mostly because I was making homemade chips and if not even half will be sog-city and the other half with be totally burnt..... or so i assumed/read/feared)

I even tried calling my mother (the master) to whine about how the triangle thingy wouldn't fit into the blade squarish thing. Clearly, her direction to me was limited. She probably thought she tought me as a toddler with the whole round hole square peg thing. Her mistake.


Good thing I found the manual... and made some GLORIOUS chips. Those are sweet potato and russets. Holler.


I made Ellie Krieger's Cracked Pepper chips/dip

• Greek Yogurt (I just used regular strained)


• Mayo


• carmelized onions


• garlic powder


• onion powder


• S&P baby
  

I also threw some cucumber slices and some baked red peppers with laughing cow cheese on them. All of this was for the benefit of my friend Mallory, who was in town saturday for a bachelorette party but was alllllllllll QT with me Friday :) She called me Suzy homemaker and I felt so accomplished.

Other highlights of the weekend include:

• walking around the plaza shops with my BF


• loading up at the half priced book store (4 for $15... whoop whoop!)


• cajun food


• dance party with some random hilarious horrible middle aged dancers at the irish bar... where they were covering katy perry


• wearing some new leopard print heels. RARRRR


• meeting up with Mallory's bachelorette party (several were sorority sisters a few years younger than yours truley) were the bride insisited John and I be at the wedding. What can I say... we're pretty invitable.


• catching up on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia episodes via hulu


• taking advantage of the ridiculously nice weather to visit the zoo, and my friends.

Mr. Leopard.... who was giving us love growls the whole time. He'd probably make a pretty great housecat... or shoes.

Mr. Kangaroo who was just hopping all over. Apparently there are no fences in that section of the zoo and they can get up close and personal. Nice. And the baby Joey (oh that's right, i totally made uncle Joey Full House jokes). Just looking at those pouches makes me wish I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt.

John wouldn't let me retake this. Photo op fun hater.

pssssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh meat eaters.

In OTHER exciting food news, the theme for the week was Mushrooms and Movies. Not together though.

Tuesday John and I went to see where the while things are.... EXCEPT they kept screwing up the projector. So they gave us coupons to come back and on our way out we snuck into cloudy with a chance of meatballs. loved it! Later I went with the girls to catch This is It. Is it too late for me to be a professional back up dancer? I want to dance to thriller every day of my life and get paid for it. *dreamy sigh*

Back to food. I found this recipe from delish.com for a Portabello Philly Cheesesteak Sammie

• provolone cheese (i made the cheese counter guy give me two slices)
• portobello cap
• red pepper
• onion
• seasoning
  
  not too shabby! I had it on a sandwhich thin.
  

the next night I had sweet potato fries (a serious staple at my house) and a baked portobello with a laughing cow wedge and some yellow squash. YUM!

That's all folks! Hope everyone had a great weekend!

I heard it through the grapevine

This Halloween goes down as one of my favorites. Probably because we had the greatest costumes ever..... feast your eyes on these bad boys!

Behold the Inspiration:
Emily and I made them by going to a party supply store and getting vinyl tablecloths in dark purple, black, white, and blue. All at $1.79 each. With the addition of big gloves and microphones/guitar from the halloween store, we still came in under $20 overall. We cut the holes for the head, slits for the arms, and just stapled up the rest. We were pretty proud of ourselves.

Also we had a whole dance, because we're WAY into themes like that. Unfortunately by the time we got down to the bar there was no contest (we think, the details are fuzzy but i remember actively pursuing it for about 20 minutes before giving up and heading back to the dance floor where I accidentally kept flinging my microphone and sunglasses)

John was speed racer for the THIRD YEAR IN A ROW. I think he thinks it is hilarious. I fear he will now try to wear it every year.

soooooooooooooooo........ because my diet has consisted most of this for the past several days:



I will be making a grocery store visit ASAP. Hopefully good eats to come. Hope everyone had a BOSSY halloween! :)

O! no you di'int

OH what a weekend! It started off with heading out of work Friday to meet John for his Alumni basketball game. TONS of his friends flew in and there were 20+ alumni that came (including four that few in) for the event. All of them were either guys he played with or coached (or both) so it was the best kind of reunion. Even better was that one of the wives came too so I had a buddy to sit with (and leave early to get drinks with... what? it's a Friday!)

EARLY EARLY EARLY the next morning I raced back to KC and had I not thrown some elbows and made enemies get through the crowd to where my mom was holding my badge, I totally would've missed Nate.Ahhh... Nate. This was a random sighting outside (no cameras were allowed, but I got bolder as the day went on as EVERYONE was ignoring that rule and I knew that unlike the MJ tribute concert in Denver, I would not get kicked out).... I was so dazzled and star struck I forgot I had a real camera in my purse and preserved this precious moment with iphone. Not quite the same quality. Also I told him to say 'Cheese' and 'I love you lauren and will switch teams for you' but I don't think he heard it. Or did he?Yo Oi!

We had a session with Dr. OZ...... I just love that guy. Seriously, he's SO SMART. During the Q and A at the end, people were asking him all of these super specific questions on these medical ailments and medications the were taking. Without skipping a beat he rattled off names of studies, (including years and institutions that published them) drugs, etc. etc. Many had NOTHING to do with his specialty as a heart doctor. It amazes me that any one's brain can hold that much ready information at one time, not to mention that Dr. OZ is also a great communicator and appealing. What a guy.

We also had a session with Suze Orman. You know, I have always been kind of on the fence about her but she was awesome. Truly. Relatable, Informative, laid out steps to take, in what order for most situations. If you go to her website you can download a free kit for doing your will, etc. which is free (as opposed to roughly 2K) to have your affairs in order. That's on my agenda for this week! She was also big on 'if you believe it you can achieve it' for financial security and in life. Kind of the 'secret' philosophy that things can be a self fulfilling prophecy. She got us all inspired and charged up. I was impressed.

We also saw the clean house guy. My aunt went to his session and said it was actually pretty deep. He said that people Hoard for two reasons: 1 because they were much happier then (when they had those things, etc.) and because you think you 'might' use it again. A La Fat pants.There was also this fitness guru who guy who said to give up cardio. He said it's all about strength training. Interesting.

Also my momma got a quick foundation makeover and we picked up some sweet samples.

Then my BFF showed up. I loved her. Her big thing that was Fashion is an industry and Style is unique and personal. She was saying to always look for classics with a twist... like basics with an interesting detail in terms of color, texture, pattern, etc. She was really good. The Q and A here was good too as the women asking where and how to buy clothes were really frustrated, as many of them didn't fit the mold of clothes. Anyone who watches the show could tell you what stacy had to say to that: Fit the biggest part of you and tailor down from there. It actually seemed like a lot of the women just needed a really good super professional Bra fitting so they could finally define their waste. It made me appreciate what my momma gave me... which was easy considering she was sitting right next to me.THEN... we headed back to me casa for a cocktail party :) After a long day everyone was pretty exhausted. My aunt Anne had been traipsing about KC (farmer's market, new downtown grocery store and bakery that i love) to assemble some goodies for us for the evening... Thanks Anne!

• Shrimp Cocktail


• Pumpkin Dip with apple dippers and cinnamon sticks (my contribution)


• Brie and Blue Cheese with some kind of summer sausage


• Dill dip with veggies


• Two kinds of bread (one white one brown, both yummy!)


• Cheese ball with parsley


• Marinated olives/grape tomatoes/asparagus/shrooms


• Cut Vegetables


• Hummus


• Grape Leaves stuffed with rice and other goodies (what are those called, dolmans?)

spoiler alert: Emily if you're reading this, here is roughly what you can expect me to be bringing you as leftovers tonight

Then the dessert table............ happy birthday uncle greg!

• Cream puffs with alternating mousse (compliments of my momma)
• Fresh Fruit
• Bakery Cake!!
  

Of course it wouldn't be a party without a t-shirt. This came courtesy of Aunt Theresa (cookie Aunt and dog lover extraordinaire) getting some fun retrieve-for-the-cure shirts for us.

First thing the next morning we headed out for mass at the cathedral 3 blocks away................... but not before mom got stuck in the elevator of my building for 30 minutes. Oops. It's kind of an old elevator. She laughed, I laughed at her. It was good times. All in all a great weekend!

It's the Freakin' Weekend

Anyone else happily humming R. Kelly right now? I mean, I hate to quote the guy, what with him peeing on underage girls and all ... well ... and generally being a pretty creepy dude. However, he does know how to make a good weekend anthem, and those songs are just so darn catchy.

In other weekly events, my high school BFF was in town briefly for work and stayed with me. We got to chat about her wedding, reminisce, discuss the great tragedy that was the cancellation of Arrested Development, and eat. She ALSO asked me to be in her wedding in September.. whoop whoop!

So obviously, I baited her to come with promises of snacks [caution: you are about to see a bunch of pictures of food with varying degrees of orientation, lighting, and quality] . I made FAUX jalepeno poppers by cutting up green peppers, smacking (yes smacking) them with 1/3 less fat cream cheese, dunking them in an egg mix and coating them with bread crumbs. A little baking later and VWALLA... all of the gooey deliciousness of poppers without being fried (and made at home no less). I am a big fan of these. huge. We also had sweet potato fries.
Early the next morning I made my shacker a breakfast of champions. She requested real bacon... sheesh, Bridezilla. Joke's on her though, I used low sodium. mwahahahahah. I made an Egg McLauren with english muffin, tomato, spinach (okay that's the picture of mine, hers was sans vegetables), slice of cheese, poached egg, and a bit of bacon. YUM. Easy peasy and delicous.
So what's a girl to do with a bunch of Bacon lying around? Last night I tried my hand at baked potato soup. Now... I tried once last year to make a fancier version with leeks and brie. I got all my measurements mixed up (i know, knock you over with a feather) and it tasted like liquified brie. Delicous, but so rich i thought i was going to die. Of happiness, but possibly of cheese and richness. So last night's impromput soup consisted of:

• One honking potato, cubed with skins on (why the soup is that darker dingy color)
• 2 cups veg broth
• 1/3 onion sauteed in bacon grease (i felt a little dirty doing it, but it smelled pretty great)
• 3/4 cup milk
• 1/4 cup plain low fat yogurt
• topped with crumbled bacon (the one sauteed with the onions), cheedar, and a dollop of low fat sour cream

It rocked my socks off... but it needed sourdough bread. Yum leftovers.

SOOOOOO..... you say, what is on the agenda for the rest of the weekend? Well tonight is a big alumni/reunion/shindig of Johns. Tomorrow I will race back to KC because I have something VERY VERY exciting to attend. My friend's magazine is throwing a party...

And my boyfriend will be thereSo will my doctor...

And so will my BFF
And most importantly so will these ladies...

Who are hilarious..


My mom's sisters are AMAZING and i can't wait for them to come down to Missouri for fun and the O! you Conference that will be right HERE in KC! (um.. just a few blocks from my apartment) Can I get an Amen? Oprah here we come !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Should've been a boy scout

GOSH i like being prepared. Other than the fact I'm pretty mediocre at tying knots (and camping, woof, don't get me started on that)... I think I was pretty packed for everything for this fun filled wedding weekend. I kicked it all off with making cookies for Boss's day on Friday.



They were oatmeal raisin and I had to go downstairs to borrow brown sugar from emily (you know, just being neighborly) and then assembled the cookies. True to form, I realized two-seconds-too-late that I had forgotten an ingredient. This time around? Vanilla Extract, which only hours earlier I had John pick up at the store for me. I tell myself that I don't think it made a huge difference. My boss politely said that it didn't. John made a face. Rude.

Can I have a raise now?

Post baking I assembled the greatest last-minute-emergency kit EVER to bring to the wedding (or more specifically getting ready at the church). Why? Because I am the world's best personal attendent that's why. Tide-to-go pens, needle/thread/pins, sharpies, extra toothbrushes, oil blotting strips, scotch tape, the list goes on. Many of which came in handy, especiall the trash bags (if John tells you those were his idea, he is full of lies. Lies I tell you).

This is us at the church. Holla, loved my Banana dress and clutch. The shoes were from last summer and I heart... even though I'm still nursing the blisters (I was wearing them for nearly 12 hours) from that day

The wedding was great, I felt super useful (running around like crazy) There was a lot of laughing at the ceremony and reception, and they did a good job of making it personal, which is always wonderful. Everyone said I do, the sun was out, the beer overfloweth, and yours truley had some QT on the D floor. What more could you ask for really?

Sweet brother/sister moves:

Oh boy.

Last night after a quick grocery trip I tried my hand at making my own salsa..... NOT from a recipe. crazy. caution to the wind. flying by the seat of my pants over here. I just chopped up 1.5 tomatoes, red pepper pieces, poblano pepper pieces (mild is how i roll), red onion and poured in some lime juice, and pulsed it in the food processor. YUM. Okay it was probably a little too mild, I might add more pepper later (and I did miss the cilantro), but It made me think I have been CRAZY to be purchasing the store bought kind all of my 26 years. See ya PACE picante mild chunky vegetables. Our days are over. I am through with getting my salsa manufactured somewhere like NEW YORK CITY. (new york city?). I might even wear my cowboy boots whilst eating it next time. I'm so authentic.

Also for good measure, below is what I ate for breakfast not long ago (edit: I've had a blueberry Z bar since then... love those things)

I'm off to make more Salsa jokes to myself for the rest of the day. This weekend is John's college reunion (fun!) and then all of my aunts are in town for the OPRAH CONFERENCE!! I can barely contain my excitement. Also tonight I'm hosting my high school BFF while she's blowing in and out of town for work. Oh the excitement. Oh the joy. Oh the photos to come.

All you can eat buffets with all you can drink champagne

So after laboring all week in Vegas.... I left this 35th floor hotel room at Ceasar's Palace with a fantastic view of the Bellagio fountains... For this view.... from the fourth floor of the Mirage. Pretty sure the freeway you see in the background is higher than our room. My, my what a girl will do to get a cheap rate for a weekend trip.

Good thing I had my BFF, new FAVORITE bride to be (I am her MOH, after all), and west-coast-erner join me to do fun things which didn't include sticking around the room.

Bloggable shenanigans include scandalously jumping in to empty, unmanned (by security) fountain for photo ops. I spy.... a cocktail dress by Zeus.

And spending all day .... and afternoon, and partial evenings in the swanky pool area (i think we closed the place down, actually... notice no other pool goers).

Many sugary beverages later we did a photo shoot montage in an abandoned cabana. Good in theory.

But pretty much all looked a bit awkward.

Ahh Vegas. The crazy thing is that while there for work I had some of the most amazingly decadent and pricey meals of my life. With company Execs those are NOT kosher to be taking food photos. However by the time BFF and I were losing $30 at a time at the penny slots... we were reduced to cafeterias / room service/ and an all you can eat buffet. It was considerably less glam... except the part where the buffet served all you could drink champagne. That was pretty awesome.

Homemade food adventures coming soon.... though I must unpack first. Au Revoir.

A soulful ode to my pappa

Happy Birthday to my dad who is lucky enough to be one of my favorite people ever. And now………………… a photo montage tribute to be sung to the theme of 'Shaft' by Isaac Hayes.

Who's that mock-turtleneck man that's more fun than all the rest?

DAD!

Ya damn right.

Who's the man that would risk his neck for his fellow man?

DAD!

Can you dig it?
Who's the cat that won't cop out when there's danger all about?

DAD!

Right On!

They say this cat DAD is a bad mother

SHUT YOUR MOUTH!

I'm talking 'bout daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad! J